Open Question: Can someone please proofread my story ending?
Its an ending to “The Man in the Middle”.
Basically, we just had to rewrite the last bit of the ending in our own writing, so here’s mine. I just need some proofreading to make sure it makes sense. (Yes, i know this is the real ending, its supposed to be MY version of the real ending).
She scrambled hastily off the vinyl seat and out the doors after the elderly couple. Besides them, the platform was completely vacant, except for two other dress clad women who were occupied searching through their handbags.
Then she realized.
Her handbag was still behind her on the train. Her expensive designer purse that held her passport, credit cards, address and the only picture she had of her beloved brother before he was drafted and shipped away.
Heart pounding wildly against her rib cage, she swiveled back to the subway war and leapt back inside, eyes desperately searching for her bag she had forgotten. Her vision caught on the light dancing off the sequined strap and she yanked it viciously from its place.
The blood pounding in her skull was audible to her ears, and surely to the other occupants of the car, she thought as she raced back to the door. She was almost there?
Slam!
The doors jammed together, catching a few of her auburn hairs between their steel vice. With a giant leap, her heart sprung into her throat, threatening to make it self seen. Her breath became ragged and sharp inside her lungs. Once again, she found herself involuntarily facing the muggers once more.
They sat in silence, dark and sullen eyes trained on her ghostly drained face. Two of the men continued to support the man in the middle. Slowly and deliberately, she lowered herself into the nearest seat, holding the gaze of the men.
An eternity passed between them, when suddenly the train lurched to a halt. The tinny mechanical voice dully announced the station name and the doors slid open.
The two flanking the drunk rose to their boot clad feet. ?Take care of yourself, Jack.? They murmured into his ears. He didn?t appear to respond; his had slouched over his stubble covered face and he lay limp in his seat. They nodded curtly to the girl as they exited.
She allowed herself to watch the duo beyond the window. The pair stalked off until they were swallowed by the ebony abyss of the station.
Once again, the train slunk forward, then began speeding through the underground darkness. The drunken man maintained his lethargic position, while she sat erect, her spine rigid with fear.
She stared him down, trying to anticipate any movement he may make, analyzing his face. Self defense tips rolled through her mind; fingers in the eyes, jamming the nose into the brain?
Suddenly, the subway flew around a hairpin turn, jolting the girl from her fixation on the man. She clutched the plastic base of her seat to keep form tumbling to the floor.
Across from her, the inebriated man ? still in his alcohol-laced slumber ? was jarred from his seat. He splayed out at her feet. One gleaming viridian eye was still fixed on hers.
She felt the sticky warmth spread across her shoes before she saw it.
The glossy pool of crimson still slowly oozed from the jagged laceration gashed into the soft flesh of his throat. Across the throat of the dead man in the middle.
By the way, I’m 14 and this is for a grade 9 English class.
Thu, 30 Oct 2008 02:40:53 GMT
Open Question: Does anyone else these days think that it’s too easy to say you ‘need’ a therapy/service animal these days?
I know we’ve made great leaps in our understanding of animals as working/useful to us, and that’s great- dogs for the blind, death, etc.,etc. are fantastic!
But people seem to be getting a bit over the top about this. Getting a therapy cat for anxiety/depression? Seems to me like 90% of the time, though I respect chronic anxiety and severe depression do exist, people are just trying to get through red tape when certain areas don’t allow animals- be it shops, or homes. EVERYONE gets anxious; EVERYONE gets depressed. It’s been much proven that animals not only have calming effects to /most/ people, regardless of recognized mental state, and that stroking/having animals can also help prevent heart diseases. Should we give a cat or a dog to everyone who has a history of heart diseases, in themselves or their family?
Don’t get me wrong, I love animals and yes, they are calming. But it seems to me too many people these days go ‘this flat doesn’t allow animals- IT’S A THERAPY CAT IT CALMS ME DOWN’. I know LOTS of service animals are needed, and I agree if a psychiatrist ‘prescribes’ a pet, that all should be done to allow that person to have a pet, but it just seems to me too many people are willing to throw their life anxities at the world and expect them to bow down to them.
No offense to your uncle, but I wouldn’t risk a pet with paranoid schoizophrenia. Much less forgetting to look after it, if his meds aren’t working (or he doesn’t take them) and he has a psychotic episodes, he could end up really hurting- or even worse, killing- the dog.
Therapy animals can help lots of things, but not psychosis!
Thu, 30 Oct 2008 06:54:08 GMT
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