Open Question: Review the beggining my novel and tell me how to make it bttr. Im only 13 yrs old?
I could hear the engine turbines of the plane as it flew over the pitch black horizon. The flashes of white velvet lighting were going on and off like a switch ending with a thunderous roar. ?Please strap on your seatbelts securely, we may be expecting severe turbulence?, spoke out the intercom. People were hurriedly locating their belts expecting for the worse; silence hovered over the room and only the wind was to be heard. Thunk! Thunk! Screech! ?What are you going to do?, spoke a voice from inside the cockpit. ?No, don?t kill me, screamed out the intercom. Distraught looks were appearing over the passengers like an epidemic disease. No one knew what was going on inside the cockpit. The plane was jerking from side to side as if the plane was going to cleave apart. ?We are all going to die!??, screeched out a man as he pierced his heart with a cutlass. Blood was gushing out like waterfall and then turning into an ocean. The man lay dead with bloodshot eyes matching the color of his face. Horror unveiled to the eyes of the passengers as fear pierced their hearts. Soon a commotion of shrieks and screeches were swelling in the room. Foam was exposing from the mouth as if they had rabies. One by one the passengers were collapsing like a chain of dominos while others were following actions of the dead man. My parents beside me were frozen like an ice sculpture. The scene felt like a haunting dream. This is only a dream I repeated to myself, but I knew I couldn?t deny the truth. ?Please remain calm, soon death will reunite with your ancestors?, spoke out a new voice from the intercom.
its a beggining paragraph so it will has flaws which i want to mention to me
I just started writing a paragraph today so its rough draft.
If it isnt interesting thn plz tell me how to make it interesting dont just say its crappy and leave tell me how to make it un crappy
Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:55:15 GMT
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