Heart Flutters

Open Question: do you think these are funny Chuck norris jokes?

September 8th, 2008 | by admin | Open Question: do you think these are funny Chuck norris jokes?
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
. There is no Theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
. Chuck Norris isnt hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
. Chuck Norris CAN beleive its not butter.
. Chuck Norris counted to infinity- twice.
. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isnt lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth Down.
. Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. water gets Chuck Norris intead.
. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
. Why did the chicken cross the road? because Chuck Norris threw it.
. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
. When Chuck Norris has sex witha man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
. Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundicking them in the face.
. Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one hand.
. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
.Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting…. CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
. Chuck Norris let the dog’s out
. Chuck Norris DOES know what willis is talking about
. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill
. There are no steroids in baseball, just players Chuck Norris Breathed on
. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress
. Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out
.A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there
. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s
. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego
.When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000
. Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris
. If you Google search “Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen
. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off
.Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
.Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the “Circle of Life”
. Geico saved 15 y switching to Chuck Norris
. In case of an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device
. Chuck Norris doesn’t see dead people. He makes people dead
. Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris’ first visit to Tokyo
. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now the Islands
. Chuck Norris can speak braille
. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the f*ck he wants
. If you try to introduce your mother to Chuck Norris, she’ll introduce you to your biological father
. Water boils fast when Chuck Norris watches it
. Chuck Norris doesn’t understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days
. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris
. Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the f*ck off
. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan
. When the Incredible Hulk gets angry he transforms into Chuck Norris
BTW i did not make them up so i don’t care if you find them funny or not because I don’t find Them that funny either lol

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 19:41:08 GMT
Open Question: my Pekingese is barking weird?
she has like a dry hoarse sounding bark. or when she “speaks” it sounds like laryngitis when she tries to speak or bark she will bark gag and fart all at the same time. every time. she also has a heart murmur. when i took her to the vet recently for her shots i mentioned the bark which at the time was getting better some days its better than others. they didn’t hear her bark but said i should take her for x-rays to see if its from the heart murmur. i don’t know how the murmur and bark can be related. i want to get her better but don’t want to waste money on something unnecessary. i have a heart murmur and it doesn’t affect me in any way. also its been so hot that our A/C has been on non stop. i think it could be from this. any ideas? can a dog get laryngitis? or could it be from heart murmur?

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:29:52 GMT

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.