Open Question: Does my sister need help?
My sister is single and 44 years old. She was living overseas and ran into financial trouble about 2 years ago. I helped her financially with her costs to relocate back home as well as offering a place to stay.
During our 18 months together, I was absolutely astounded to see how she lived. The most frustrating issue was her idea of hygiene. She had to be prompted like a little girl to contribute to the household chores. Even when she did, it was a half-hearted effort which required cleaning again. In my opinion she appeared to drink way too much and smoked like a chimney. She woke up every morning with a disgusting cough which she continues to have. She has also disregarded my warnings regarding her health and has not seen a doctor. She has been told she has gum disease and has not done anything about it for over 12 months now.
During her stay with me, I tried encouraging her, talking to her and blatantly arguing with her to try and help her see what she was doing to herself and how she affected people around her. None of my attempts seemed to get through to her. Our brother also attempted to talk to her and offered to help in any way he could. It was pointless.
She has since moved in with my mother who is a pensioner and does absolutely no housework at all. My mum cooks and cleans for her and even supported her financially whilst she was unemployed for 6 months recently. She now works but does nothing beyond that. She comes home and goes into her bedroom where she literally spends every minute away from work. She spends hours on end playing online games to the point where she neglects her personal hygiene.
She also has a cat which does not see daylight and is forced to live in a smoke filled room 24/7. Her dog at least gets a few hours daylight in the backyard. I find it absolutely cruel the way she treats those animals and they simply serve her need for company. She considers herself an animal lover but can’t see she is providing a horrific environment for them.
I have tried to convince her to see someone to no avail. I strongly believe she has serious issues and what frustrates me more than anything is the burden she is becoming to our elderly mother. She thinks her behaviour is normal and can’t see her isolation,constant lying and lack of social interaction is an issue. Is it me as she always says? Is this considered normal for a 44 year old woman? I can’t change her life if she is not prepared to concede there is an issue but I am finding it hard watching her turn back the clock and have our mother ‘baby’ her at this age.

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 04:44:30 GMT

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