Open Question: Feedback on poem please?
Gray clouds. Tall trees. No breeze.
The whole world quiet like its waiting for something.
She rolls over and her bones
clank against the floor shes lying on,
like old tools rattling against the bottom of the junk drawer
her floor bruised hips and shoulders
murmuring achy complaints as she moves.
The morning perfection
of eight minutes ago already violated
Her heart continues its slow oozing slide down her center
on its way to the pit of her stomach.
Its already empty hollows ooze sloppily over the sides
Her life is made of mud and bones
in the ruins of an abandoned soul
He reaches out to touch her shoulder
She freezes under the weight of his wooden touch
Its like putting her normal feelings in a blender
Excitement, Revulsion, Curiosity, Tenderness, Fear, Pity, Shame, Disgust.
Suddenly his face disappears
She sinks back into the loneliness
her emaciated figure giving way to her meakly pounding heart
Then the beating goes still and takes the edge off the sharp
Pain.
Sorry its a bit long but i had to fit in the whole idea.
Mon, 29 Mar 2010 18:23:49 GMT
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