Open Question: Feedback On Something I Randomly Wrote?
Hey, this idea kinda just came to me, and I’d like to know if it’d any good. There’s more to it than this, but yeah, constructive criticism would be great!
I snatched at the door handle; my fumbling hands failing several times before I could wrench the door open and tumble inside. The sight before me stopped me in my tracks. My heart squeezed tighter for a moment, then resumed its wild pounding. The blood it pumped roared in my ears, deafening me to everything but its sound and that of the woman on the bed before me. I moved further into the room, my whole body surer than before, although my insides were on fire.
?Well? Say something,? Gabrielle said quietly. I took her hand in mine, searching for the right words. After a moment of staring into her eyes, I realised that no words could ever sum up this moment, or what was going on in my head. Instead, I leaned down slowly to kiss her soft lips.
She kissed me back tenderly, her free hand snaking up to the side of my face. I pulled out after a moment, and laid both my hands on the large curve of her stomach. The child within kicked out, more energetic than I?d ever felt before. Gabrielle winced.
?Honey, I?m here. It?s okay,? I assured her, taking her hand back in mine. Her eyes closed as the contraction ended and she revelled in the sense of release. I could tell from the look on her face that she was loving every moment, storing it inside her, remembering the birth of our child.
She blew at her fringe, which fell into her eyes. I found one of her hair bands in her bag and tied her hair up, out of the way. Her eyes stayed closed as she murmured her thanks.
?Where?s your midwife?? I asked.
?Back soon. Went to fetch blankets for the baby,? She replied.
I looked down at her, really looked. She hated tying her hair up, but now it was out of the way, I could see every emotion flitting across her face; everything from pride to pain.
All comments are appreciated,
Thanks, Elle =]
Wed, 31 Mar 2010 17:10:19 GMT
Share and Enjoy:
These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
Open Question: More frequent weird feeling in my chest?Open Question: My heart races randomly at the middle of the night?Open Question: Weird feeling in chest, what could it be?Open Question: Feedback on poem please?Open Question: Can I get some feedback on my short story?Open Question: I just wrote a song. Do you think the lyrics are good?Open Question: Please Give Me Critical Feedback On This Prologue !! (:?
