Open Question: Do I sound depressed…? Please Read.?
The school is now at me, telling me im depressed and whatev because in my writers notebook i had about 20 entries like this:
The Smell. The Look in her eyes. The aching pain in my heart. Not knowing who this person is, Is she my mom? Or is she what I see, a cold mean dark person, with demon eyes. Is she the person I?m afraid of, the one that yells, screams, rants, and lectures. And the one that gives me that look, the look that makes me want to cry. Cry and never stop. The look that almost disowns me as her daughter, the look that makes me want to run away, and never stop running. Those demon eyes, they look at me, as if I?m trash.
That bottle opens, everyday, as soon as she gets home from work. And within thirty minutes of that bottle opening, she is drunk. The words slur, the demon eyes stare me down. But most painful, those names she calls me. Why? Am I not good enough? Am I not a good enough daughter? Did I put to much stress on her? Did I cause this? I cant help but to think I did, that every rum and coke poured is my fault. That every slurred word, and every stumble, and every drop of alcohol, is my fault. I?m told otherwise, but what do they know? They don?t have a mother that looks at them with those eyes, that calls them those names, that never stops drinking. They don?t know what its like. No one does. I?m all alone in this world. With no one to turn to, no one to lean on, no one to depend on. They tell me its not my fault. They tell me it?s a disease. They say it is hereditary. But I don?t believe a word of it. Not my fault? Then why do I have to deal with it? God gave me a mother who drinks and drinks, because I did something. I?m not sure what yet, but there has to be something.
?Home Sweet Home.? What does that mean anyway? Whats sweet about home? The smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke? The tears, and the pain? Look up sweet in the dictionary. There nothing alike. And whats a home? Isnt ?home? supposto be comforting, a place to go and relax after a long hard day? Well its not. It?s a place to sleep. A place that is living hell. A place I don?t feel safe. I would much rather be at school, or outside sleeping.
The smell. It wreaks. Its all over her breath, all over her clothes. I can smell it miles away, and it makes me feel sick. It makes me want to leave this world, what?s the point in staying? Is there any? I don?t think there is.
Do i sound depressed?
(Yes, ive asked this before, and sorry if you read it again, im just confused, and sick of ppl that dont knowing me telling me im depressed and im fed up with everything right now.)

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:32:57 GMT
Open Question: Found out my dog has a heart murmur..?
I took my dog to the vet yesterday and he said he noticed a heart murmur. A year ago my dog got so sick he almost died from leptoseriosis. His kidneys and liver were failing because of an infection. It put a lot of stress on him and once he recovered he mellowed out a lot. The vet is pretty sure he developed heart problems from that illness. He is only 6 years old and is a beagle pitbull mix. Just wondering if anyone else has had a dog with a murmur and what should I expect? Obviously he will most likely die of heart failure but what should I watch for? He’s still in good overall health except that so when is enough for him? Down the road when will I know that its too much for him. Im looking for someone who’s had a dog with a heart condition before I just want to know what to expect.

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:44:07 GMT

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