Open Question: i hate life, please help me?
Hi. I really hate life. No, i dont have the worst life out there, that i realize. But i just dont see the point in living. Im not gonna call so stupid suicide hotline and im definetley not gonna seek proffesional help. My 2 friends wouldn’t understand at all and it would just freak them out if i told them what im feeling. I really hate school, so much i didnt know you could hate something that much. I have a girl that i love with all my heart, but through many complications we cant be together (i was feeling this way before we met, the situation now makes it even worse, i wish we never met now) I literally don’t see the point of living. What am i accomplishing and what does it even mean to accomplish something. Eventually we will die and that “Accomplishment” wont mean anything at all to try to stop myself from getting suicidal thoughts. (ive never actually wanted to commit suicide but i think im awfully close) ive convinced myself that ill join the army as soon as i can. But that just doesnt seem to be working anymore. I think its cuz the reality of the fact that im fat and out of shape proved that i really cant be in the army anyway. Im also really ugly, have acne and have multiple diseases. I dont see myself going anywhere, i dont like anything besides shooting and guns. I suck at school and nobody seems to get that and just says “try harder”. I dont get the point of life besides to hurt. (this is not an emergency or anything. Just wondering if some1 can help me battle these thoughts.)
Wed, 25 Aug 2010 06:06:57 GMT
Open Question: Hey, could you guys tell me what you think about this? Rating 1-10 Thanks a lot guys :)?
THE SECOND COLOUR WAS GREY. The dusk bitten sky rumbled with sadness, and it?s tears sheeted down onto the dry ground of Earth. Hannah sat in the front seat of her car, bouncing up and down slightly as she turned onto a deserted dirt road. Beethoven?s Moonlight Sonata strained through the speakers, and it wasn?t until the song was half way done that her car began to groan. She peered out the rain splattered wind shield to see a thick, grey smoke spilling out from under the hood. ?Aw, come on!? She shouted, banging her hands on the steering wheel. Outside the car, there were no cars. There was nothing. Hannah turned off the ignition, which plunged her into silence except for the heavy sound of rainfall, and grabbed her purse from the passenger seat. Leafing through it for a moment, she pulled out her cell phone and pressed two on speed dial. ?Come on, come on, come on.? Her legs shook.
Her heart dropped when she heard: ?Hey, it?s Amanda. I?m not here right now, so please leave a message and I?ll get back to you. Well, truthfully, it depends who you are. If you?re the Landlord or the Tax Collector, there?s a fat chance I?ll return you?re call. So move on, buddy. I’m not paying for ****!?
?Damn it.? Hannah pressed END. She combed her fingers through her hair with a sigh. Who else was there to call? Slowly, her eyes fell upon the small square sheet of paper sitting on the dash. ?Oh, Hannah, no.? She said sadly, shaking her head. ?You wouldn?t?? Glancing at her cell phone, she noticed that the black digital numbers read 7:03. Great, she was already three minutes late. ?In this case, you would.?
He answered on the first ring, his voice loud. ?Hello?? In the background, dishes were clattering and a fast paced song was playing. Without meaning to Hannah wondered where he was, and, sadly, who he was with.
Hannah debated on wither or not she should hang up. ?It?s Hannah.?
She could almost hear his smile, ?Change your mind about that date??
?Not exactly.?
Seventeen minutes later, Hannah was seated in Jake?s car, the heat full blast. The aroma of tobacco and mint hovered lightly in the thick air. She kneaded her hands together in attempt to warm them. ?Here,? Jake said, grabbing her hands and folding them between his.
He rubbed against them, and though she wish they didn?t, a swarm of butterflies let loose in her stomach. She pulled her hands back and folded them in her lap, sure that her face was flushing. ?Thanks for giving me a ride.?
He turned towards her; his hair was matted to his head, and his shirt was dotted with rain water. In the darkness of the car, Jake?s light brown eyes appeared almost black. A small smile flickered across his face, ?My pleasure.?
Hannah glanced down at her feet and listened as Jake turned the ignition. A moment later, she heard the crunch of the tires against the gravelled road as the pulled out of park.
The rain had slowed to a light drizzle when Hannah climbed out of the truck. Her eyes flashed around them. ?Where are we?? Trees were everywhere except for one shabby building. It was more deserted than the deserted road they had just turned off of. This was definitely not Mandarin. ?Jake, this is not where I asked you to drop me off!?
Jake circled the front of his truck to stand before her, his mouth inches from hers. ?It?s time for our date.? He murmured, his breath hot on her lips. Her stomach clenched, then unclenched; like a fist, opening and closing. He took a step back and grinned. ?Besides, we can?t go home yet.?
Hannah placed her hands on her hips; she couldn?t believe him! ?And why?s that?? She asked, her words filled with irritation. She needed to get to the dinner party?she could call a cab? Oh, that?s right, she had no money!
Jake moved closer again, and wrapped his arms around her waist. Hannah?s breath caught in her throat. ?The fun doesn?t start till midnight.? Then he pulled away and strode off towards the building, motioning for her to follow.
She stood for a moment, frozen in place, then she realized. ?Wait!? She shouted, running after him into the darkness. ?Midnight?!?
It was official. Her sister was going to kill her.
Wed, 25 Aug 2010 00:30:01 GMT
