Heart Flutters

Open Question: I am only a kid, yet i suffered so much..why people don’t wanna help me?!!?

May 11th, 2009 | by admin | Open Question: I am only a kid, yet i suffered so much..why people don’t wanna help me?!!?
I really so frustrated yet constricted!!:(
Few months ago, i told myself ONE BAD NEGATIVE WORD, which i am fear of, while studying damn hard for exam. I was under lots of stress. Then i said to myself, ”u will fail your exam!” I reacted to it with overwhelm of fear. This fear make thins difficult for me. To the extent that i depersonalise when reading/ studying for 3 months. Then i resorted to transferring these thoughts, which can make me react to it…smth which i really really really don’t wanna to think- ”think of somebody baddies, people i hate, people i won’t bother to think, people whom i thought are digusting..blah” the reason i transferred mainly to there is because it create more fearful feeling than the way i scare myself when i said the bad word to myself..And i really did..whenever i read/ studying or wanna plan things with regards to studying, my brain will follow the way it thought the latter and act out in my brain. i will have mental images of these people, one at a time, maybe for 1 day, a week, different people, in my brain, and it DISRUPTED ME ALOT! I can’t visualise, i can’t put my heart into it… I really feel like dying..
My life most important thing is STUDYING. And this interrupted me alot..Please, please, please, please, please, people…i have been posting millions of times of this qns, and i only got 1 or zero reply..i know ppl are selfish. They don’t know how u feel, so it’s none of their business..But pls..i only need some real reason behind or terms of such disease of my mind!:( Or the best! some advice.
i did see a pychologist. But all day she does was to record down what i said, and ask what i fear, and this is the third time she is asking, depsite her telling 3 times. She doesn’t seem to understand, and my mom is going to stop me from going to the psychologist sooner, since it’s ex, and she don’t really knw what’s going on with me. Like i say, people don’t know how i felt; mom too.
?
I am only 14 yr old, btw.

Mon, 11 May 2009 03:37:02 GMT
Open Question: Is this DEEP enough for you???????!!!!??????
The Earth Will Creak
When will the Earth become obsolete in it’s turn?
When we shall cast death’s significance to a hungered mind.
When logic’s bitter knowledge will no longer burn,
When our thrumming pulse, to love, is blind.
Once upon a future date, the Earth will groan-
Will creak and grind as she rotates beneath the blinking stars.
You must keep safe her slumbering throne,
Murmur and weep onto the crooked scars.
We live upon the eye of the universe’s elder,
And on one metallic day, our comfort will be not thoughts.
But imaginings of how natures course was the welder,
Of a new born world and the wilderness of sweet supports.
The breathing flourish of freedom’s rich day,
When buffaloes thundered over rain sheeted ground.
There was no possibility of a sanctuary for the stray,
The burning tiger roars, through shadows, surround.
?A warning for you, my eager heart,
For when my breath runs dry within my throat…
The people of Earth will tear love apart,
And you must cling to what God here wrote.?
i wrote it, i’m 13