Heart Flutters

Open Question: I feel hopeless and i feel like i wan to die but i can’t die yet because my mother needs me…?

January 2nd, 2009 | by admin | Open Question: what do you think of part of the book i’m writing.. please readdd!! its really not that long.?
** this is not edited yet, so ignore any typos
I didn’t know why he was doing this to me. Didn’t he realize that it was impossible to think straight when he looked at me this way? Couldn’t he tell that it was absolute torture to refuse him when he was unintentionally making my insides scream? But I must refuse. He can not know the truth, I love him too much to pull him into my world. My world of hate, danger, and lies. I’d much rather tell him that a huge meteor is careening toward the earth and we’re all doomed.
For a brief moment I let my mind wander, and thought about what I would do if a meteor really was on its way to finish us all off. I imagined myself throwing my arms around his neck and telling him that he is the single most important thing to me, my true love. I thought of him pushing my hair behind my ear, kissing the tears streaming down my face. Then telling me not to worry, death would be peaceful and painless. And a look of relief washing over my face, not because of his reassuring words, but because I knew that it was all about to end. I would never have to lie to this beautiful boy again.
“You’re not even paying attention to me.” He interrupted my reverie. He drew a long, exasperated breath then looked at me with the most pleading expression he could manage.
I sighed. “Of course I’m paying attention to you.” How could I not pay attention to those long eyelashes, which hid his bright green eyes for just a moment then unleashed their startling beauty? How could I ignore the way he absent-mindedly stroked my arm with one long finger when he spoke to me? And how on earth could I ever look away from that perfectly chiseled jaw line?
“You can’t expect me to find you in this condition, and not wonder what happened. Whatever it is, I’m here. I want to help you.”
No. Absolutely not. He can not know, he can not help. I have to save him. “I think you should go now, Reeve.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Not until you tell me what’s going on.” He wasn’t going to give up, was he? What do I do? He’s not going to leave until i tell him something.
“I can’t tell you. Please try to understand.”, I said, looking up at him with my most pleading expression. Could I possibly have the same power to persuade him that he has over me?
“You can tell me anything.” Obviously I’m not nearly as persuasive as he is.
“Not this. You have to understand…it’s…dangerous.” Huge mistake. Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut?
“Now you have to tell me. If you’re in any kind of danger there is no way on God’s green earth that I’m leaving you alone. I’m staying right here until you tell me.” I opened my mouth to protest but he cut me off. “Don’t even try to change my mind. You either tell me what is going on, or I virtually latch myself onto you. I will not leave your side, that’s a promise.”
“That wouldn’t be so bad.”, I said trying to sound seductive, and failing miserably. He chuckled as he took my bandaged hand and turned it over in his hand, tracing the lines on my palm with his finger. He looked up at me from underneath his eye lashes and in that moment I could tell just how agonizing this was for him. No matter what I do, I’m going to hurt him. If I tell him the truth, he’s going to be in an immense amount of danger. But if I keep him in the dark he’s going to feel betrayed. I drew a deep breath and closed me eyes, preparing myself for what I was about to do.
“Close the door.”, I murmured. He looked at me, confused, but eager to finally hear my secret. I watched him as he rose out of the overstuffed chair and shuffled across the room. He shut the heavy door and moved his chair back against the far wall. This time he sat on the edge of my hospital bed and pulled me off the pillows and into his arms so that he had room to lay down, with me lying my head on his heart. I listened to the steady beat of his heart and traced the lines that his muscles made under his shirt with my finger.
I tried to convince myself that I was about to tell him my deepest and darkest secret because I was in love with him, and wanted to be honest. But the truth of the matter was that I was just disgustingly selfish. I knew that if I didn’t tell him, there was a chance that he would leave me, and I simply couldn’t bear even the thought of him leaving my side.
I took another deep breath and plunged into the story that would forever change our future…

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 07:53:57 GMT

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