Heart Flutters

Open Question: Is this a good story?

March 11th, 2009 | by admin | Open Question: Is this a good story?
I remembered the pitter-patter of the rain against the soil on the dark, fertile ground of a distant jungle. The angelic voice of my sweet mother humming a lullaby into my ear. Her voice faded with pain and exhaustion. Yet brimming with selfless love.
Although too young to sense proper fear I could feel it radiating through her soft, shining skin. It stole my heart and I had started to cry. Her soft caressing touch eased me, but not enough to forget about the horror in the air.
I clung onto her robe as she battled through the mess of green. Still humming and singing she climbed up a few rigid steps. I heard a roar in the distance, loud and mighty. Slowly, I started to cry. Her song grew louder and I could actually hear it now.
?Hush, my baby.? She said stroking one of my cheeks. ?Hush, Kaminari,? she murmured into my ears. I whimpered as a stronger wind blew and the roar grew louder. ?Good bye, my love. Fate will let us meet once more,? she said, quickly kissing my cold forehead and laying me on the ground, looking for the source of the roar.
The wind howled, in my head, my mother?s soft, loving voice echoed. But a baby was never to know that his mother was lying dead, a few miles away. Insides out. Heart not beating, the soft lullaby gone, never to be heard again from such a heavenly voice.
I could hear creatures prowling in the distance, but the lullaby was too strong in my head, I didn?t think about it. I gave off a loud wail. Wanting a nice, warm hug from my mother?s silk hands, but all I felt was the hard, cold ground beneath me.
I could see nothing but the darkness. Slowly the song started slipping away from my heart. Joining its producer. Leaving me forever. Never to return with loving care of a mother again. I could feel the terror in the air now. I could feel what my mother felt before me.
I could feel a monster.
Now that the warm hands of my mother had laid me on the hard ground of this land I could feel proper horror and sorrow. No hands to caress me anymore. No soft voice to whisper in my ear. Only the plummeting of the rain, the cold ground and the pitch darkness. Left in the cruel world with a monster miles away, ready to lash out at the crying, hopeless baby?
I’m nine years old. First attempt at writing an introduction starting with a baby and I don’t have any younger brothers or anything so I don’t know what babies act like when they’re scared but i watched a couple of movies and gave it my best shot. What do you think? My friends all say it’s waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too mature and noone will believe I wrote it.

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 07:07:57 GMT
Open Question: College app essay help!!! PLEASE?!!?
I need someone to please proofread my college application essay and me your feedback on how it is and what I need to change…I know its long put this is really important and I REALLY need your help, thanks…
Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from- for example, your family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
Response #1: The world I come from has left a large impression on my life and who I am as a person. It has shaped and molded me into a better person. I was born into a middle class family with both a mother and a father. Unfortunately during the week of my fifth birthday, my father passed away from a heart attack, leaving my mother and me alone. What was left of my family had to move to an apartment and we did our best to survive on a single paycheck. As the years went by my life was shaken up again by the news that my mom had osteoarthritis and fibromyalgia. The two diseases have greatly affected not only her life but my own as well. Before she was diagnosed with the diseases she was a full time English teacher at a public middle school. As the diseases got worse she was forced to retire early without full pay. Currently my mother is unemployed and surviving on disability payments. My mothers illness and fathers death have added to my depression and my grades have suffered because of that. Even in the light of having to live with out a dad, a sick mom, and depression I still have found hope for my education and the future. I go to a spectacular school where I am blessed to be surrounded by people who care about me and my education. I have fought through all of these challenges to get where I am today and they have made me stronger. I may not have a 4.0 GPA but I work my heart out. I am more then just a number on a piece of paper. I have high dreams and hopes about my future and will continue to work as hard as possible to get towards a outstanding college education. I want to be able to have a stable financial environment for my own family as I grow older. I do not want my children to have to worry about an ever changing financial status. The only way I can prevent that is through a good education. One quote that I live by is that ?light starts in a dark place?. I have gone through the dark in life and am more then ready to let my light shine through. I have learned so much from the disappointments in my short life and will build on them to become a better person. [410]
(cont.)
Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Response #2: One quality in my life that I am very proud of is my ability to create anything considered artistic. I love to shot and edit for photography and create music. I have only recently begun to learn to play the keyboard and guitar but I have loved music for as long as I can remember. The moment I picked up my first acoustic guitar I knew that I had found something that was dear to me. I am able to immerse myself in music to create something beautiful or use it to create feelings I could not express otherwise. I have found something in music that I have yet to find somewhere else. Music allows me to express whatever is on my heart or mind, however simple or complex that feeling might be. I may feel upset but as soon as I pick up my guitar or…
keyboard I am able to let what is on my mind out as music. I have also gotten into the world of digital photography and editing. I am currently in a digital photo class at my school and I have benefited greatly from it. I find my self taking literally hundreds of pictures a month. With the skills I have required through my photo class I am also able to create something truly artistic from my photos. Both of these talents bring me immense joy and have real world capabilities of a full time paying career if I choose to pursue one of them. I have also been thinking of taking these two artistic talents to major in graphic design or music. What draws me to the arts is that my mind is always coming up with ideas. I am able to look at the world in my own specific view and reproduce my view through the arts so people can see more easily what I think and feel. I also have a strong family background of artistic talents. Ever single man in my family for the last 3 generations, or longer, has
been a musician. My grandpa was able to play several instruments and played in a band. My grandfather also owned a newspaper in Palm Springs during the 1950?s that he wrote and shoot pictures for. I have a high pedigree of musicianship and photography to look back on. Even though I am still not clear on what I want to do as a career I know that I will be able to find something for me through my time in college. [421]

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 04:28:39 GMT

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.