Open Question: My adoption story (as a birth mother) *a long read*, and also I need some advice?
When I was younger, I had a great deal of problems stemming from my mentally abusive home (divorced parents, many stepparents including physically abusive ones, sexual abuse when I was 7, etc.). I was hospitalized in a mental institution at the tender age of 13 due to this.
After receiving mental help, I started to get my act together. Unfortunately, I fell into “puppy love” with a boy when I was 14. Shortly after my 15th birthday, I was pregnant.
When I informed my mother (she was a very cold hearted woman), I was told that either I could get an abortion or live out on the streets. Since I was only 15, I had no idea what my rights were and I seriously thought that my mother would throw me to the hounds. Even though I was so deathly afraid, I stood up to her and told her under no circumstances was I getting an abortion.
A little while after that, my mother came to me and told me that her best friend (who was married and infertile) would be adopting my baby. I knew I couldn’t say “No”, it wasn’t an option.
I met with my mother’s friend and her husband and they seemed nice enough. I was given all sorts of promises. I was told that I would still be able to see my baby whenever I wanted and that it would be like a big happy family!
We went through a private agency for the legal documents. I met with the agency once before my child was born and they just rambled off a bunch of legal mumble jumble that no 15 year old would understand.
Then the day came when I gave birth. I was still holding onto my last hope, which would be that when my mother saw her grandchild then SHE would change her mind. I was asked to fill out a form requesting where I would like my baby kept while he/she was in the hospital. I put down the nursery as I wanted the option to go and see my baby without anyone around.
While I was in labor, I was treated like an animal by the hospital staff. And this is NOT some 1950’s story, this happened only 13 years ago. My son was born and handed right to my mother’s best friend. I didn’t even get to touch him. I was whisked off immediately to a separate ward to recover (I had a few minor complications and a very long labor).
I fell asleep and when I awoke 7 hours later, a doctor was signing papers to discharge me from the hospital on psychological grounds. I called my mother (it was 6 am) crying and asking her to come get me because the hospital was releasing me.
I got dressed and wandered back to the maternity ward, hoping to at least catch a glimpse of my baby. I looked in the nursery and he wasn’t there. I asked a nurse where my baby was and she told me that the adoptive parents had stayed in a hospital room for the night and he was in there with them (I had NOT signed any type of papers at this point).
The nurse then led me to the front desk where a lady was waiting for me. She simply said “sign here” and handed me a paper. So I signed it and walked away. I was in a state of shock and I wandered the hospital halls crying like a lost little girl until my mother finally showed up and found me.
My mother brought me back up to the maternity ward, so I could say “goodbye” to my son. I was allowed to hold him for exactly 1 minute.
I went home and stayed in bed. I lost so much blood that I shook all day and night and I had a fever. My older sister came in my room to find me buried under a mountain of blankets with my teeth chattering. She ran to my mother and begged her to take me the hospital, she thought I was dying. My mother refused and said it was just a normal process after giving birth.
I remember I tried to take a bath because I felt SO cold and I was standing in the tub and a big blob of tissue (easily larger than a fist) plopped in the water. I just sat down and cried.
The next day (3 days after giving birth) I went to the courthouse. I had to wear adult incontinence diapers because the blood was too much for normal sanitary pads.
The lady from the agency was there, but she didn’t say too much to me. Also the father of my son was there and so were his parents. We went into the judge’s chamber to sign the official documents. I think something was wrong with the judge though (either he didn’t sleep at all or he was drunk). He kept murmuring and mixing up the word “abortion” with “adoption”.
I remember I hesistated once before putting my pen to the paper. I looked up and I saw both my mother and the father’s parents just staring me…it was like they were saying “Don’t you even think about it!”. I looked over at the father of the baby and he was happily signing away. I felt so tired physically and emotionally. So I signed the paper. Where I lived at the time, once you sign then it is all over. There is no period to change your mind.
The agency offered me counseling which I decided to accept. I thought it might help some. So a lady came around to my house and we went and sat in a park together. She told me that she was an adoptive mother and then she went on and on abou
My son is 13 years old now. In a few years time, I might be able to see him again if he decides that is what he wants.
Now my only questions are, should I tell him (when he is an adult) that I never wanted to give him up in the first place? Should I tell the adoptive mother that I never wanted to give him away?
Thanks to anyone who decided to read my very long story! Also, thanks in advance to anyone who would like to offer their advice!
about her story. I’ll never forget what she said at the end for as long as I live. She said “I live in fear every day that my son’s birth mother will knock at our front door.”
I decided to end the “counseling sessions” that day.
The adoptive parents didn’t keep their promises. I never got to visit with my son (my mother’s best friend never spoke to her again), but they were nice enough to at least send me a photo once a year. That is until 4 years ago, when they stopped.
But I never gave up and I tracked them down, even though the adoptive parents had divorced, the adoptive mother moved, and changed my son’s name.
I found him and I wrote a letter to the adoptive mother requesting that photos be sent once more. And she replied back, saying that she did not have any recent ones but would send them when she did.

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 04:31:37 GMT
Open Question: why isnt a woman satisfied?
why do i repeatedly break mens hearts? i’m not model material but not ugly. i have a pattern of meeting men, starting a relationship, having a subconcience goal of wrapping them around my finger(so 2 speak) And when they are I get bored,tired disgusted. theese men r good people and deserve a good woman. (all 3 of my ex husbands and a couple boyfriends)so why do i not like them anymore when we reach that point ?i feel like a very bad person out of this and refuse to get into a relationship because of it. is there a gene or disease that makes me like this?like i said i not gorgous, skinny or model material. i have great personality and strive to make a man fall in love with me and when he does i dont want him anymore. i rather be alone than hurt someone again.

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 06:33:07 GMT

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