Open Question: Please judge this poem!!!!! easyyyy?
The freshness of fall and the darkness of winter
I hear layers of noise and pretend its poetry
Men and women sing and the same few piano notes roll over and over
A chill grabs my heart and heat pervades my head
Beats and electricity drone and beam
And I don?t know if I want to run away or jump in
Constants equal the rounds and chords
While Outside a quiet dimness grows
Yet even in the woods the birds sing and the trees murmur
Breathe in and each breath is new
Only the air, only the air is the freshest thing known to us
Until winter: lie in snow and hear:
new/real silence.
——-
critiques appreicated
just wrote it…. a few minutes ago…
The freshness of fall and the darkness of winter
I hear layers of noise and pretend its poetry
Men and women sing and the same few piano notes roll over and over
A chill grabs my heart and heat pervades my head
Beats and electricity drone and beam
And I don?t know if I want to run away or jump in
Constants equal the rounds and chords
While Outside a quiet dimness grows
Yet even in the woods the birds sing and the trees murmur
Breathe in and each breath is new
Only the air, only the air is the freshest thing known to us
But in winter, lie in snow and listen
(all new silence)
revised…better?
Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:54:08 GMT
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