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Open Question: R&R? (Read and Review, pretty please?)?

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Open Question: R&R? (Read and Review, pretty please?)?
So, I already showed this exerpt this in another question, but I didn’t get as many helpful answers as I would have liked. Constructive critisism is awesome too. =D
—–
The world was fading.
The Queen couldn’t believe it. Shrieks echoed in the ballroom, members of her court screaming and fighting giant, dark monsters. Fire crawled up the walls, reaching towards the sky and leaving its mark on whatever it destroyed. The flames weren’t their safe, familiar red. These flames were black…
Stumbling over bodies and clutching a bundle of beautiful white satin, The Queen bolted through the doors of the burning castle. Horrible groans and whispers followed her, chasing her.
Shadows…
Twigs crunched underfoot, her dress, striking silver against the night, caught on branches while she ran. The moon, high in the sky, seemed larger and larger than ever before. It shone with almost an eery glow. The moans were closer now, forcing the queen to run faster.
They were still coming after her. The queen shut her eyes tight. She couldn’t do this forever.
Quickly, she hopped inside the hallow trunk of a dead tee, its leaves in the distance burning. She huffed, and huffed, her legs burning with cuts and scrapes. Looking down at the little bundle, she could have smiled. Until she heard those horrible moaning, clicking, screeching sounds. The shadows must have been surrounding her. Her eyes teared up.
“I’m sorry, my daughter…”She thought, getting the last look of the pretty infant that she might ever have. And then she imagined with all her heart that her baby was in the arms of her old friend, in a cottage far away. Slowly, the queen felt her baby disappear. In that same moment, a jeweled star fell into her lap. Her last wish.
The queen felt tired suddenly. This was it. All the light had gone from her.
Seconds later, she saw the moon again, as a pair of large hands smashed through the tree trunk and dragged her out. The little star fell to the ground, forgotten.
?Tsk, tsk.? A woman tutted. ?So sad, so tragic, so…? She trailed off, and her voice took a frightening tone. ?So pathetic.?
The queen looked up with a determined scowl to see a woman dressed all in midnight blue. Her mirror, her exact opposite in every way
?Dahlia…? The Queen spat.
?Lillian.? Dahlia murmured. Slowly, a triumphant smile made its way across her face.
The shadows made themselves visible now, gathering around their master. Their terrible voices whispered her fate to her, creeping into her mind and planting horrible images.
The queen swore, her body trembling. ?Just finish it.?
Dahlia grinned and stepped around her in a semi-circle. ?Not yet, my dear. You must tell me…Where is your precious heir? Where is the girl??
The Queen looked down, rage making her delicate body tremble. ?You should know.? Lillian hissed. ?You…You…?
The Queen of the Night sighed, and stepped back. With a snap of her fingers, a knight ran up. He was dressed in the formal black armour of the Shadow Militia.
?Take four or five men, go back to the castle and find the brat. If she’s dead, fine. If not, take care of it. I want a necklace made out of her stars.? Dahlia’s sharp red gaze turned on the knight. ?Do you understand??
The knight nodded confidently, motioned to a couple of soldiers and took off through the woods. Lillian felt herself trembling, and knew that her tears were lighting up the night, leaving glistening sparkles on her cheeks. The dark Queen scowled, and swung her mace at her. It hit Lillian’s leg, sending a shock of pain through her body.
?Stop your blubbering, you disgusting little fool. You should thank me. Her death will be quick. Who knows? Maybe your…” Her voice cut off sharply. She couldn’t say the word. God. Dahlia scowled even deeper. “Maybe you two will be united. But I wouldn’t count on it.”
The white Queen was about to retort, when Dahlia stepped foreword, and raised her mace. “Good night, sister.” She smiled feraly, and swung the mace down as hard as she could…
—–
I know. It’s confusing. I changed a lot of it right here on Yahoo! Answers, and you kinda need to know what the book is about to understand it. But I’m not going to actually post the whole plot, so, Just check for grammar and spelling and flow and whatnot. =D
Thanks so much!

Sun, 09 May 2010 03:01:05 GMT
Open Question: Can I sue the tobacco company for false advertising?
So I hate my life okay, and five years ago I was in the shop and there were these little boxes behind the counter that said “SMOKING KILLS”, I was intrigued, and I bough a pack, eve though I was a year underage, I looked older, so I bought a pack.
Nothing for two years!!, so I upped my daily intake..
So far nothing, the company promised me death, and nothing, just spending money on a scam!!, I’m no more dead, I just smell a bit more, my fingers are orange and smelly, and I have a wheezy cough, no cancer, not heart disease, still alive but just smelly.
Can I sue them for false advertising?
They promised me death, they advertised death to me, and I’m not dead, I can’t go out and hang myself, because last time I tried that **** there was a load of drama with my family, so I figured this would be a more subtle way of doing stuff.
I want compensation, its like I got scammed, and scams are illegal, I think….
What legal action can I take..
That’s the beauty of smoking, I like burning myself too.
And the best part is, I can hurt myself and scar myself, and it cortorises its self!
Amazing little creations!!
Tobacco smoothies.
Never thought of that, sounds expensive, but worth it, thanks

Sat, 08 May 2010 23:13:29 GMT