Wed, 26 Aug 2009 16:12:14 GMT
Open Question: the beginning of my book?
so i took out whatever ppl called an “infodump.” i’m thinking it may confuse some people now, no? what do you think?
CHAPTER 1
Rain Foriei clenched her teeth, breathing short, quick gasps. Her eyes darted side to side, searching for her pursuer as the horse she borrowed from her father stumbled beneath her.
The sky darkened and in the distance rumbled a nearing thunder, sounding more like an army of rushing war horses.
?Is he still coming?? She murmured to herself as she often did, realizing that she no longer sensed the man?s presence. The horse nervously bobbed his head, nearly causing her to lose the reins. ?Settle down, boy. I think he?s gone.?
Why would anyone want to come after me? That?s the second man this week.
Rain closed her eyes for a moment, willing her heart to calm and breaths to slow. After a moment, she studied her surroundings.
?I?m exactly where I wanted to be,? she spoke to the horse with a huff. ?Might as well do what I came to do if no one?s following me anymore. I?d rather not take another trip down here any time soon. What do you say, Mino??
The horse responded with his own puff of air, putting a smile on Rain?s face. She rubbed her cheek with her shoulder, soaking up the droplets that tickled her cheeks, not sure whether they were sweat or rainwater.
?Let?s make this quick. If I miss another lesson, Aglahr will never show me his secret.?
Mino took steady strides across the field. His legs were long so even a steady pace would quickly get Rain where she needed to be.
As they neared the stable where they were heading, a strange creak was heard below them. Rain looked over her side, past Mino?s.
It?s just earth, she thought.
Another groaning creak.
A sudden anxiety overtook her as Mino took another step.
Oh no…
Not a second later, the ground suddenly cracked and slumped at least a foot.
Mino froze.
The groaning swelled then cracked again. Rain realized what was happening and gave Mino a swift kick to his side when the floor began to rupture and come out beneath them. The horse?s hind legs flailed as he scraped the remaining earth with his front hooves in an attempt to escape the fall. Rain tried to hold onto the horse?s saddle but found it difficult as it was slick with water. Looking over her shoulder into the opening below, she guessed it would be at least an eight foot fall. There was water though the depth was unknown.
One of Mino?s rear hooves caught a sturdier plank of wood, giving him the support to lift his behind out of the hole but when he jerked forward, Rain lost her grip and fell into the pit.
It felt as if her stomach rose to her throat making it hard to scream as she dropped. She landed on her feet at first but the weight proved too much as she dropped again to her rear, bumping her head on a plank behind her. To top it all off, another large beam dropped onto her lap, trapping her leg underneath.
With a clench of her teeth, she stifled another scream.
A dense cloud of dust floated and tickled Rain?s nostrils sending her into a coughing spell. With each gasp, she inhaled a mouthful of more dust, leaving her with a unpleasant taste.
When all had finally calmed, she looked up at the gray skies through the new hole she had created.
?Mino?? she called up to the horse.
Rain heard the shuffling of hooves in the dirt then sighed in relief as the silhouette of his head peered down to her.
?Thank God you?re alright,? she murmured. ?Father would kill me if you were hurt.?
All attention had quickly gone to a sharp pain in Rain?s leg. With a deep breath, she slid her hands under the overlying beam and pushed with her chest.
A lot of effort but to no avail. The beam was heavy and Rain?s arms were already sore from trying to hold onto Mino before her fall.
What was I thinking? she asked herself. Peering through the darkness, she quickly took notice of the waters? rising level. The rain was in a constant downpour above her.
?Help! Someone, please help me!? Her voice ricocheted off the surrounding walls leaving her feeling hopeless.
?No one?s ever going to hear me down here.?
Trying once more to move the beam, her leg protested with a throb of pain. Rain slumped as she realized the unlikelihood of escaping alone. Not a moment later, something trickled down her calf. Taking her first two fingers, she slid it between her leg and the beam bringing them out wet in warm blood.
What am I going to do?
With every moment that passed, Rain would assess the rising water, estimating how much time would be left for her to escape; or until her watery death.
?I can?t die like this,? she spoke to no one in particular. ?I?m only eighteen or will be soon, anyway. My friends deserve the opportunity to watch me exaggerate surprise at the celebration!?
The water was now waist deep. With a moan, she continually strived to move the beam from her leg, her mind racing between the man who chased her and her family who no doubt took notice
of her absence by now.
its directed to y.a. readers

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 20:41:58 GMT