Heart Flutters

Open Question: What do you think about this poem I wrote? (It’s supposed to be scary and sad)?

July 3rd, 2009 | by admin | Open Question: i heard of a rare disease called O.I. that gives you headaches, nausea, fainting, etc..what is O.I. short for?
i was watching “mystery diagnosis” on TLC (love that show) and some lady has been light-headed, fainting, had headaches, and all these symptoms and they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. but then they diagnosed her with O.I. which was some sort of rare heart condition(?) where her heart didn’t pump enough oxygen to her brain.
anywayssss..
i think i may seriously have this and i can’t figure out what the OI was short for! any clues?

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 06:05:56 GMT
Open Question: What do you think about this poem I wrote? (It’s supposed to be scary and sad)?
Start to Finish
Her heart is slamming
A door is creaking
Some glass is breaking
A toilet is leaking
This child is cringing
Afraid of the dark
A wolf is mourning
There goes a spark
The wind makes a sound
And kisses her cheek
A friendly goodbye
Has come to seek
The foot steps got closer
The drifted away
The slam of a door
A car pulls away
The house is still dark
The kid still alone
The smelling of smoke
And heavy cologne
The sound of a crash
The look of a light
First orange and yellow
Then bloody red night
It starts to get bigger
And then drives in closer
But this little child
is still in the corner
bloody stoned eyes
And a murmuring glare
She watches it dance
And seems not to care
It dances and spins
Heading straight for the girl
Then opens it’s mouth
And dives in a twirl
The arms pull her under
They rip at her face
Drowning in smoke
With so little space
deeper and darker
The world seems to come
The room is now gone
Her body feels numb
The black hole is silent
And full of despair
The bright room is gone
With that bloody red chair
So she loosens her crouch
Still not feeling her feet
Walks towards the light
But her heart doesn’t beat
Not seeing the ground
She walks to that door
And opens it up
The world is no more
But this beaming light
And a singing sound
A soft warm hand
just grabs her around
A face so familiar
So gentle and gold
Long curly hair
And 20 years old
Dwelled up with tears
And full heavy sighs
She holds this small child
Beginning to cry
She tells the small girl
Please not to cry
Cuz mommy is here
For the rest of your life . . .
(summed up - The little girl’s father comes to her house and kills the child by setting the house on fire after he already killed the mother. She watches the fire and burns and then end up in heaven with her mom. I tried to make it really sad and have intense feelings and emotions to get the reader interested it almost made me cry a little bit as I was writing it. So tell me what ya think! Thanks so much!!) Btw I am only 13

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 05:48:18 GMT