Heart Flutters

Open Question: What do you think of my writing?

November 29th, 2008 | by admin | Open Question: What do you think of my writing?
Here’s a small part of my story, and I’d like to know what you think of my writing. I encourage any criticism.
The fierce rain pounded on her face, but it didn’t faze her. Her eyes were shut, unmoving, forever. My heart refused to beat, my eyes refused to blink. I clasped onto her icy, lifeless hand in hopes that she may arise from the dead.
Her Jewish star necklace lied innocently on her chest, unaware of its effect on her death. She was killed because of that star, the star she looked to for hope. The star that got us through everything, now suddenly leaving me alone to continue. I breathed her name over and over in the rain subconsciously, water welled in my eyes, grasping her hand.
Gently, I untied her necklace and put it around my neck, praying as a Jew. Once finished with my prayer, I took out of my pocket a wedding ring, lying it carefully on her cold finger. “I love you,” I murmured. “I’m so sorry,” I managed through a raspy, hoarse voice.
The hand clenching the necklace turned white with force and my eyes burned, but it didn’t matter. My tears came out in choked gasps as I looked at her lifeless body. I rose, taking one last look at her body, soaked and miserable, and left without a glance backwards. I died that day, and my life was never to be the same again.

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 04:45:07 GMT

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